When do you become a parent? When you give birth? When you raise a child?

There are other ways of becoming a parent too. When you mentor someone at work. When you become a pet parent. When you nurture young minds in school.

Or it may just come up on you unnoticed. Like it did with me.

My time to become a parent came when the adults around me began needing help. The first time was when my father developed cancer. And like with a first child, I made a lot of mistakes. I researched everything I could find and threw myself into learning. I tried to do everything I possibly could—or so I thought—but I didn’t know then what I know now. My efforts, well-intentioned as they were, sometimes missed the mark. They weren’t always what would have truly eased my father’s or my mother’s suffering.

But I was learning. Learning what it means to show up for someone when they’re breaking.

Then came my in-laws—all of them, and especially during COVID when isolation made everything harder. Then my grandmother. Then my mother.

It was almost 2025 by the time I realized I had been/had become a parent to six adults. Among us, we tackled challenges I never could have anticipated: an age range spanning 60 to 97 years, cancer, COVID, diabetes, heart disease, and mental health conditions. Each one a different language I had to learn. Each one a different way of loving and holding space.

By my Guru’s Grace—the divine guidance we all need when the weight becomes unbearable—I was able to meet these challenges and learn from my stumbling. I continue to learn.

I don’t claim to have answers. What I have are mistakes that became teachers, and moments of breakthrough that became gifts. I have a heart that broke open and somehow held more love than I knew was possible. I have gratitude for these six adults who, in needing me, taught me what it truly means to care.

I hope to share both my mistakes and my learnings—the messy, beautiful, sacred work of becoming a parent to adults—to provide support and solace to others navigating similar terrain. This is my catharsis after profound transformation and loss. And perhaps, if I’m honest, it’s also my way of honouring each of them: my father, my in-laws, my grandmother, and my mother. Their love lives in me now. Welcome to this space. Welcome to B. A. Parent.